


Asthma

by SJR



Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Asthma, Hurt/Comfort, Medical, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 08:28:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJR/pseuds/SJR
Summary: Smoking was something that everyone did, except for Holden, so why would it be an issue of how much Bill smoked. A hard realization for both of them lands Holden in the hospital with a severe asthma attack and a small loss of respect for his partner.





	Asthma

**Author's Note:**

> This one is for my friend! Though, it's something I hope everyone will enjoy. ~
> 
> Apologies in advance for any medical inaccuracies, etc. I'm a smoker myself, so this was interesting to write as we all know the habit is bad --addiction is a bitch.

The road ahead was approaching at an alarming rate, Bill was behind the wheel while Holden stared out the windshield at the pavement being sucked under the front of the car. A cigarette hanging out of his partner's mouth casually, the wafting smoke filled up the cab with long tendrils.

The radio hummed along in their silence but it was clear neither of them were listening. It was a warm day and Holden felt the sudden urge for fresh air. His hand reached out for the crank and he started to roll down the window, his arm jerking awkwardly as he rotated the handle and watched the glass slide into the car door.

“Hot?” Bill asked, his hand reaching up to pinch the cigarette and ash it into the center tray.

“Yeah,” he responded quickly, but that wasn’t the whole of it. Yes, it was warm, but his chest was starting to feel tight and he needed some air.

The window finally disappeared and he felt himself lean into the strong gust. It pushed his hair back and caused the loose strands to flutter around the edges of his face. It worked for a moment, the momentum of the car pumping air directly into his lungs.

“This road never ends” Bill was beginning to get bored, they had been driving for hours.

Holden nodded but didn’t respond, his head was leaning against the frame of the window with the air pushing back against him.

“What are you doing?” Bill eyed Holden and took a long drag, letting it out with the rest when he spoke: “you look like a dog.”

“It feels nice.” His response was somewhat curt, but he didn’t appreciate the soft mockery.

Rolling his eyes, Bill adjusted his grip on the wheel and sped up. The air pushed through the open frame faster and Holden jerked back.

“Close it, the sound’s gonna blow out my ears.”

Holden reluctantly reached for the handle and rolled the window back up. He didn’t usually mind Bill’s smoking, but for some reason today it was making it hard for him to focus. The smell was overpowering and it made his head spin.

“You should really cut down,” he said, eyeing Bill’s cigarette.

Bill just scoffed, bringing it to his lips and taking a long drag “convince the rest of the world, and maybe I’ll agree.”

They rode in silence for a while after that. Bill had changed the station a few times until he stopped on some blues, Holden recognized the song as something Debbie had played for him once. He tried to close his eyes and rest his head back, focusing on the rock of the car in an attempt to lull him to sleep. He realized it was a bad idea when his stomach was starting to churn, his eyes snapping open. He wasn’t someone who got car sick, they drove for hours together in the road school days and he never had this happen. Holden heard the flick of the car lighter snap back and watched out of his peripheral while Bill lit another.

Trying his best to ignore it, he focused on the passing landscapes but had to avert his gaze when it became overwhelming. Holden noticed his chest felt tight again and his head began to spin, his breathing was shallow and sweat began to form across his brow. He knew better than to ask Bill to put it out, but he was starting to feel panic swell. Then confusion started, this wasn’t his panic disorder, he knew that. Something else was happening and the fact that he didn’t know what made his heart pump.

He didn’t notice at first that Bill was watching him, it was subtle - a sideways glance, but the older agent was aware of the palling face of his partner. Holden closed his eyes again and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You okay?” Bill’s voice cut through the music, “you look sick.”

Holden nodded wordlessly, pulling his arms tighter.

“Seriously Holden,” His partner was getting concerned now as the kid looked visibly distressed.

“I’m fine, it’s just a long drive.”

Bill continued and kept his focus divided between the road and the younger man beside him. He watched his partner shift in the seat every few minutes and was getting a sense that something was wrong. They drove for a while before Holden jerked up in his seat.

“Pull over,” he urged.

“What?”

“Pull over Bill, right now just-. Just pull the fuck over.”

Alarmed, his foot tapped the break and he guided the car over to the shoulder. The car jolted with vibrations as they crossed the rumble strip.

“Jesus Holden, what are you doing? Are you having a fit?”

Holden threw the car door open and went to lunge out, the seatbelt stopped him and Bill watched as he dislodged it from the clip in desperation.

“What the fuck Holden?” Bill threw the car into park and went to unlock his own belt.

“I can’t breathe.” the kid gasped, getting free of the seat and falling out onto the road beside them.

“Stop panicking, you’re fine just take a val-”

“It’s n- It’s not that,” Holden kicked himself away from the car as he scrambled across the road’s edge, “I can’t fucking breathe Bill.”

Bill lept from the vehicle and rounded it to the passenger side. Holden was on his hands and knees coughing and wheezing into the grass that edged the asphalt.

“What are you-”

“Hospital” Holden choked, “now.”

He stood in shock as he watched his partner tear at his tie in an attempt to loosen it.

“Christ okay, okay get back in the car.”

Holden’s wheezing continued and he clawed at the buttons of his shirt, ripping the collar open with a pop they shot into the grass.

“Now Holden!” Bill yelled, his heart was pounding as he tried to figure out what to do.

He realized he needed to take action and he bent down to grab the young agent, one hand pulled the back passenger door open and the other dragged him towards it.

“Get up, get in the car!” Bill hoisted him and Holden’s legs kicked out against the ground. He vaulted the kid into the back, his head just missing the door frame before he was thrown onto the leather seat.

Bill slammed the door, running around the car he dropped into the driver’s seat and cranked the shifter into drive. His foot hammered against the gas and they squealed back onto the road. His hands gripped the wheel, knuckles white, as he maxed out the speed. Bill glanced in the rearview and saw holden gripping his chest and his head rolling back against the seat.

It was a goddamn saving grace when Bill saw the sign for the city ahead, he lurched off the highway and down onto the exit. He blew through every stop sign he encountered until finally, they were in the city, it dawned on him then that he had no idea where to go.

“Hold on kid” he called back.

There was a pedestrian on the side of the road and he slammed to a stop, almost spinning out. He jerked the door open and reached for his badge.

“FBI, where is the nearest hospital” he demanded, flipping it open in their face. They looked up at him with startled confusion. “Now goddammit, the hospital!”

“Th- Three blocks down, to your left”

Bill dove back in and peeled away, the door swinging closed with the momentum of the accelerating car.

“We’re almost there Holden, just keep breathing. We’re almost there.”

He risked another look in the mirror and could see Holden’s head rolling, his face was stark white and he started to blue in the lips.

_‘Don’t die, for the love of God don’t die.’_ Bill was struggling to keep his composure.

The three blocks were cleared in minutes and he jerked the car to the left, hitting the curb with a jump before he slammed to a stop at the emergency entrance. Bill jumped out and started to run.

“I need help!” He bellowed, pulled the back passenger door open and Holden slumped against him “someone, I need help over here!”

Hospital staff rushed over and watched him wide-eyed as he pulled Holden from the car, “he stopped breathing. He’s not responding”

A young nurse bolted back towards the ER doors, yelling for a gurney before she returned shortly with a doctor at her side. Bill lifted Holden on the flat platform and explained again what was going on. The medical staff surrounded his partner and began to push him towards the hospital entrance. He kept pace but was pushed away from the edge as more people came to their aid. He watched them press an oxygen pump to Holden’s face and check his pulse. Bill wouldn't admit it, but Holden was too pale and he didn’t seem to be breathing at all, he looked dead.

Another woman intercepted him and forced him to stop, “he’s in good hands, we just need you to wait. Can you tell me anything else, we need all the information we can get to help your friend.”

“He’s my partner, ” Bill snapped, “We’re FBI. I need to go back there-”

The woman nodded, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “They are going to do everything they can to ensure his safety and well being. I just need you to sit Mr…”

“Tench, Agent Tench.” he stepped back from her, trying to gather his thoughts “His name is Holden Ford.”

She was patient with him, ignoring his constant glances behind her at the doors Holden had passed behind “okay, Agent Tench-”

“Bill.”

“Okay Bill, can you tell me what happened?”

“I was driving, he said he was hot but then he just lost it, said he couldn't breathe and…he can’t die, do you fucking hear me?”

“I hear you. I need you to relax and take a seat, I’m going to relay this information to the doctors and we are going to help your partner.”

The woman urged Bill to a nearby seat, he nodded slowly and watched her rush towards the swinging doors. He didn’t bother sitting but instead stepped outside, lighting a cigarette in the cooling evening air.

It felt like hours but eventually, BIll was greeted by a doctor in the waiting room. He had been in and out while he smoked a chain of stress and waited to hear whether or not his partner was alive.

“Agent Tench” the doctor called over to him, “My name is Doctor Collins.”

“How is he?” Bill asked.

“He’s fine, he’s breathing and doing well. Your partner had an asthma attack, quite a severe one actually.”

“Asthma?” He was confused, “We spend hours on the road together, he doesn’t have asthma.”

“Quite the contrary Agent Tench. Your partner has adult-onset asthma, and what you saw today was an attack.”

Bill shook his head and tried to process what he was hearing. “It wasn’t a panic attack?”

Doctor Collins looked confused, “No… As I said, this was asthma. We’ve treated the lung inflammation with Ipratropium and he will need to monitor it along with an inhaler for the foreseeable future.”

“He’s alright though?”

“As much as one could expect, given the severity. He had completely lost consciousness when you brought him here, but thankfully he was not without oxygen long enough for any lasting effects.” The doctor eyed Bill, “Is there any reason to antici-”

“Can I see him?” Bill interrupted.

“Yes, I don’t see that being a problem. Please follow me.”

They walked in silence down the bright hallway, passing room after room Bill tried to ignore the inhabitants of each space. Stopping a ways down, the doctor opened the door and gestured for Bill to enter.

Holden lay still across the hospital bed, an IV taped to his arm and an oxygen mask was strapped across his face.

“Is he sedated?” Bill asked, his tone was hushed.

“No, just resting. I’ll leave you a moment but then I’ll need to come back and discuss the long term.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Doctor Collins left, closing the door softly behind them. Bill stood by the end of the bed, not realizing how hard he was staring. He let out a long sigh and moved to occupy the seat on the wall’s edge. He ran a hand across his face before letting it rest in the palm. He wasn’t sure if there was someone he should call, the last time he was in this situation Holden had instructed the staff not to but he felt like someone else should be made aware. Wendy maybe? Gunn should at least know they were delayed.

“Bill” He looked up and saw Holden’s eyes staring back.

“Jesus kid, you scared the shit out of me.”

Holden pursed his lips in a small smile under the mask, reaching it up he pulled it down away from his face.

“Hey, you shouldn’t-”

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” His partner rested the mask on his chin, “did they tell you what happened?”

“You had a fucking asthma attack. I thought it was an episode but…”

Holden shook his head, “I knew it wasn’t, it felt different.”

“Has this happened before? I’ve never seen-”

Another shake of his head, “never.”

“The doctor said he’s going to come back and talk long term treatment.” Bill gritted his teeth in frustration, his eyes locked on the sterile floor tiles, “I don’t understand, you were fine before this. I mean, aside from the panic...”

He shrugged, “I’m just as surprised.”

Bill let out another heavy sigh, “I need to tell Gunn we are delayed, and Nance, she needs to know I’m going to be late.”

“Don’t tell him why,” Holden’s voice begged, “please Bill. And I’m sorry this has kept you from your family.”

“It’s fine Holden, but I can’t keep covering for these things, what if this happened when we were on a case. This is starting to get bad and I-”

There was a knock at the door and Doctor Collins stepped in, “sorry to interrupt.”

Holden popped the mask back over his face and waved the doctor in. Bill watched the Collins lift the clipboard and step into the room with them, eyes darting between the board to both men.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better” Collins spoke as he continued to scan his board “this is mostly for Agent Ford but as his partner, I would say it’s beneficial for you to hear”

Bill nodded.

“I’ve already spoken to your partner about this, Agent Ford, but you’ve experienced a severe attack as a result of adult-onset asthma. I’d like to take this time to inquire as to any triggers you feel might have caused this. Sensitivities can become present through exposure or age, so it’s important that we realize what the source was in hopes you can reduce your reactions.”

“Of course,” Holden’s voice was muffled by the mask so he pulled it down again.

“Have you come into contact with any mold, dust or chemical exposure recently?”

Holden shook his head and the doctor jotted down the answer on his files.

“Cigarettes are another cause of this. Are you a smoker, or surrounded with prolonged smoke exposure?”

Bill froze, his crossed arms felt for the hard edges of the pack in his pocket. He opened his mouth to offer his confession before he was interrupted.

“No,” Holden said, “not anything outside the occasional hotel bar, and I don’t smoke.”

He couldn't believe what Holden said, his eyes shot over to his partner’s and they made a short moment of contact.

_‘What are you doing?”_ Bill thought to himself _‘don’t lie to him.’_

“Hm,” the doctor mulled over the file and continued writing, “well regardless we will be sending you away with a bronchodilator, an inhaler, and I would recommend accessing the things you encounter on a daily basis to try and locate the trigger.”

“Of course,” Holden agreed with a nod “thank you, Doctor.”

Doctor Collins tore off a sheet of paper from his board before hooking it on the end of the bed.

“You’re lucky to have your partner,” he handed Bill the prescription and gave him a smile, “He saved your life.”

His heart sank, Bill thanked the doctor and watched him every step out of the room. He mindlessly folded the paper and tucked it into his jacket pocket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked Holden, staring down at him, “Why did you lie?”

“If my medical file is ever checked and they see why this happened, that’s it for us. If they separate us as partners, that’s it for our department. I know you’re tired of lying for me Bill, but there are things that are more important than me, than us, and you know that.”

Sighing, he nodded, “I know. I’m sorry, this is my-”

A soft knock at the door interrupted them and a young nurse stuck her head in, “I’m sorry to bother you gentlemen, Doctor Collins instructed me to come in to remove Agent Fords IV.”

Bill waved her over and she stepped inside, rounding the bed and over to Holden. He watched as his partner offered his arm and the nurse slowly peeled off the tape to reveal the needle embedded into his skin. Holden grimaced as the nurse pulled it free and set it aside, gathering the disposable material before making her exit with a polite goodbye.

“If you were going to say this is your fault, then you’re right. It is.” Holden yanked the mask up and over his head before he swung his legs over the bed’s edge, “so do something about it and let’s keep doing our job.”

“What, you want me to quit?” Bill felt like an ass for even arguing.

Holden shrugged and pressed a finger against the needle mark in his arm, “If that’s what you need to do.”

“I mean cutting d-”

“I don’t know Bill, I’m not your mother. I’m not here to tell you how to live, but I know I’d like to be able to stay alive.”

Bill felt the stab of Holden’s words. Normally, this would be the catalyst for a rather heated argument between the two agents but he knew he was in the wrong. He felt at the edges of the paper in his pocket and sighed.

“Get dressed, I’ll fill this inhaler thing and meet you in the car.”

The younger agent nodded and Bill left the room. He didn’t notice the surrounding activities of the hospital as he walked through in a daze, making his way around to the attached pharmacy he handed over the prescription paper. They set to work and told him to come back when they were done, he agreed and stepped outside to breathe in the cool air.

Without thinking, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled free his cigarettes. Smacking one out of the pack, he popped it between his teeth and closed his lips around it as it lit. Smoke streamed from his nose and mouth as he exhaled. He stood lost in thought and nicotine-induced distraction, staring out at their car parked halfway up the emergency ramp.

_‘I should move it’_ he thought, but made no effort to correct the situation.

The clearing of someone’s throat jerked him out of his thoughts and he turned. Holden was standing behind him, he looked exhausted, but mostly he looked completely despondent.

“Jesus Christ,” Holden sighed, shaking his head in shame at Bill, “couldn’t even last five fucking minutes.”

Bill went to speak and his partner just turned away, walking into the pharmacy behind them and up to the counter. Tossing his cigarette and smashing it into the ground, he watched as Holden came back a few minutes later with a small paper bag hanging from his hand.

“Did you call Gunn?” he asked, pausing beside him and ignoring the still smoking butt on the pavement.

“No, he can deal with whatever issues he has. We got held up, traffic or something.” He tried to offer the excuse as some type of apology to the younger agent.

Holden pursed his lips and nodded, “okay.”

“Holden I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine Bill. Like I said, there are more important things, getting back to the department is one of them.”

Stepping off the curb and into the cold air, Bill lagged behind his partner as they walked towards the car. They pulled the doors open and sat down in silence. Starting the car, he chewed at this inside of his cheek as he realized what he wanted.

He wanted a fucking cigarette.

_‘Shit.’_


End file.
